This one is a keeper. JOKE TIME

Paddy wss driving down the street in a sweat because he had and important meeting and could not find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, Lord take pitty on me. If you find me a parking space I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my Irish Whiskey.
Miraculously and parking space appeared.
Paddy looks up again and said. Never mind, I found one.
You know you are really broke when.

American Express calls and says, Leave home with out it.
You look at your rommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
You finally clean your house, hoing to find change.
Your bologna has no first name.
You give blood every day Just for the orange juice
On Thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of thanksgiving dinner.
McDoald's supplies you with all of your kitchen condments.

Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction, I get to the end and think. Well that's not going to happen.

What is the best thing to put ito a pie? Your teeth.
Waiter, this food taste kind of funny? Then why aren't you laughing!
Why do the Fench like to eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
Why did the fishman put peanutit butter into the sea? to go with the Jellyfish.
Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke? Because it might crack up.